May 2009 Archives

Whew. It was a tough morning. I had a lot of ground to cover before 9:00: get the 2 boys to school; take Adele to daycare; drop mother-in-law Claire to Toronto Western to visit with Carol before she got on the train to go back home. Then me dropping off the car and heading off to work. Ideally all done in 90 minutes or so. So I was feeling some pressure from the moment feet hit the floor from bed.

The boys haven't been great about getting dressed over the last few mornings and we've been running a little later every day. Today it came to a head. Normally I keep the bathroom door partially open when I'm in the shower so I can see in the hallway mirror what they're up to, but with one's mother-in-law visiting this isn't really an option (well, I guess it's an option, but it's a creepy option, let's say that). This is where having a second person around - read: Carol - to keep them moving makes all the difference. I called out at one point "Are you boys dressed yet?" thinking they were likely pretty close because they'd been good up until then. "No Leighton is still naked!" came back the reply. Hm. Every now and again they like to pull my chain with this one, just to see me stomp out of the bathroom and discover them fully dressed, laughing at their silly old dad. But this morning, no, he really had done nothing. And had no plans of doing anything.

Oh come ON.

I was feeling stressed now, but it's hard to be really imposing when you're only wearing a towel. So I was pretty emphatic that this was NOT ON and he better get moving. Long story short is I ended up sticking pants and shirt him myself -- which I don't do in a particularly loving way in these moments -- and pulling him into the bathroom to brush his teeth. Which he didn't do either. Oy. Steam coming from ears now, trying to remember that this is how Leighton acts out when feeling upset about things (eg mother still in hospital), but also looking at how much I still have to get through this morning before I'm anywhere near halfway to starting my own day.

We scramble out the door, with me telling Campbell to grab his baseball mitt for practice after school. We get in the car, now quite late, and away we go. As we're halfway to school I ask Campbell if his glove is in his backpack. "No", he says vaguely, "Why?" Well that's the last straw. 'BECAUSE YOU HAVE BASEBALL PRACTICE!!! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE THIS MORNING? I CANNOT DO EVERYTHING!!" Some pounding on the dashboard for emphasis. If I'd able to reach my shoe without having an accident I might have gone for the full Khrushchev at the UN effect.

Oh it's so awful to record this. But maybe one day I'll look back and laugh. Right?

Anyway, we swing back around home, and I grab his mitt and cap, and off we go again. I drop them off and head back home for chauffeuring round 2. At least I know that Adele is dressed, as Claire had gotten that going as I was leaving. So I'm starting to relax... maybe I can get back on track here. When I walk in the door, what do I see but Leighton's school project, due today, sitting forgotten on the table. Oy. Round 2 just got a little more complicated. I guess I could do it all and then just drive to work, but then I have to find and pay for parking, and battle traffic both ways and... sticking with Plan A.

So we drop off Adele, all good, a delight in fact. Then I drop off Claire, thank her for all her hard work and drive back home to grab my bike. About 15 minutes behind, but at least all missions accomplished.

When I get home I decide I better grab my rainpants as it's starting to rain a bit, and what is on the sideboard above the basket but the envelope I was supposed to give Claire to pay for her train ticket and cab ride to Union Station (I mean, the least we can do). Ack. At this point I'm too tired to get fussed about it, so in my pocket it goes, and onto the bike go I.

Ah the wind feels so good as you ride. How I do love it. It's like it blows life's burrs right off you. Even on grey days.

So I run into the hospital, give Carol a kiss and Claire an envelope and I'm off again.

Total elapsed time from wake up to now: 2 and a half hours. Work in a couple of folding chair pieces of business and a brutish policeman and I feel like this is pretty much how Charlie Chaplin would have done it.

Still, it could have been worse, and for many people is worse, so I'm not complaining. I guess if I had to do it on a long term basis I'd get better at it. (Uh, God forbid okay?) And hey, it's only 12 hours later and I'm already laughing at some of it. So that's a good sign.

Addendum: Hey, where's Kola in all this? Well she appears to have injured her back leg and/or hips and is too sore to go anywhere. I'm sensing an expensive trip to the vet soon. Double oy.

Such a flood of negativity I fear, in this blog lately. But here's something amazing: the parents of the kids in Adele's playschool, some Moms in Carol's book club and our neighbours have all joined together to create a Food Tree for us. This is basically where they each take turns creating a dinner for us, one per day. It started on Friday, and it looks like there are meals coming until week's end.

How awesome is that?

I literally choke up with gratitude as I write my messages of thanks to them after another delicious meal. It's a truly extraordinary expression of support and generosity by people who have plenty to worry about already in their crazy big city Toronto lives.

If there's one good thing that's come out of this experience it's the reminder that family, friendship and community are about the most important things you have in your life, and it's easy to forget that as you fret about... well pretty much everything else but that.

Yeah, it's a trite and a cliché too. But that's how clichés work and I'll stand by this one.

Well it's been a tough ride at Toronto Western for Carol. She spent the first three days in the Emerg in an Isolation Room as that was the only bed they had while she waited for a place in the GI ward to come free. And calling it a bed is generous, as it was really more of a stretcher.

A Kafka-like black humour component of it took hold, insofar as at a certain point the Emerg staff became convinced that she actually WAS in isolation -- and contagious! No matter what she said, the rigid "If you're in this room you must be contagious" view kept coming back to haunt her as she couldn't get nurses to respond to calls (like say, when she was passed over for meals), or offer any other assistance like disconnecting her drip once it had run dry. When she complained about this, one of the charming Emerg nurses responded, "Look, I'm only obligated to check on you once every 8 hours, so I don't even need to be here." How comforting.

At one point Carol was so hungry -- her tray had come with jello and clear liquids only for the 3rd time, in spite of the chart which spec'd some broth -- that our friend Julie went to a Vietnamese restaurant on Dundas and bought her some chicken broth so she'd have something to eat! I ended up doing the same thing the next evening, as the hospital kitchen didn't seem capable of reading the chart. So staying in a hospital has become like air travel where you have to bring your own food to eat. Nice!

Eventually Carol got a "good" nurse (which means one who seems remotely interested in solving some of the disconnects. There are a few good ones in Emerg, although they seem rarer there than on the wards) who added "NOT IN ISOLATION" on her chart in big letters, and confirmed she was on a waiting list for a bed in the GI ward. Honestly, if the nurse hadn't written on the chart, I was considering writing it myself. There seems to be so little communication between the hospital staff it's not like anyone would have known where it came from.

Then on Saturday night at around 9pm an orderly came in and told her she was being moved. "To upstairs?" she asked.
"No, just out into the open area here because we need this room."
"What? But that's the examination area for people who have just come in! How will I sleep or even go to the bathroom?"
So she asked to speak to the Nurse in Charge, who completely stonewalled her with "There's nothing I can do. That's where you have to go."
Carol cried, "Look I'm not getting any care here! I have no food, they forget the meds, and need a real bed somewhere. Are there none available?"
"No. Well, there was one, but you were in Isolation."
"Argh! No I WASN'T!" And at that point she just started sobbing while the nurse stared impassively at her.
So she went back to her bed/stretcher, put in earplugs, a towel over her eyes and tried to doze off while the medical team did an eval of the woman with the broken hip on the other side of the curtain.

Miraculously, or perhaps the tears had had some effect, at midnight they told her they had a bed for her. She only qualifies for semi-private with our plan, but as there was an empty private room they gave it to her. So she went from the gulag to the Hilton in one elevator ride. Sheer bloody luxury!

On Sunday she appeared to be doing better during the day, but then had an awful evening of pain and discharge. All very nasty. This morning she seemed much better again, well enough to joke that her room has a beautiful view of the Funeral Home across the street. A little humour is always a good sign.

They are talking about her being in there for the week, so the nasty adventure continues...
 

So Carol's mom came in from Woodstock last night at 10:30 by train to help out for a couple of days, which will be a great help. When she arrived I jumped on my bike and went to visit Carol at around 11pm, then bought groceries for lunches on the way home (we have a 24 hour grocery at the corner, hooray).

She's doing better after the first round of steroid drip, although she spent the night in an Emerg room as there were no beds available. A bit like sleeping on a stretcher. On the other hand, no snoring roommate. Doc says they're going to do another sigmoidoscopy today and then decide on a course of action. I'm surprised they're not doing a full colonoscopy given that they don't even know the extent of the condition after the initial sigmoidoscopy, but then, that's why I'm a CD and not an MD I guess.

Carol went back to emerg at Western today, after her condition continued to deteriorate over the last three days. The Prednisone is not appearing to have any effect at all, which is pretty weird. As she said, "I feel like their placebos or something, I don't even get side effects, let alone effects."

Health care being what it is, the fastest way for her to be seen by her G.I. is to go to Emerg and be admitted into the hospital. So I dropped her off, then dropped off Adele, and will have to leave work early today to get the boys.

No idea about tomorrow, as not only is there no day care planned on Fridays, but The Porktrashers have a gig in the evening for a fundraiser, and while we have a sitter booked for the evening, sound check is at 5pm. Hm. No clue how that could work, short of taking the kids to the soundcheck. Which might actually be fun for them, now that I think about it.

What an unpleasant adventure this all is for everyone.

Update: Just got a call from her, she's waiting in a room for the results of bloodwork. She sounds better just for being there. Fingers crossed.

Here's the letter to the various friends and family, instead of rewriting the news:

----

Hey everyone,

Sorry that I haven't been in contact a little sooner, a bit of a scramble all round as we try to adjust life around Carol in hospital right now due to her bowel flare-up. But the good news is, the news is getting better.

I went in this morning to visit and she was in better spirits, a consequence of having some visits yesterday  -- thanks Rochelle! -- plus a full nights' sleep (ie uninterrupted by bathroom calls) for the first time in quite a while. She's been put on a steroid drip as of 10pm last night so that seems to be showing results.

As it happened, the doctor came in to talk to her yesterday about the results of her sigmoidoscopy, which wasn't entirely positive. It seems that the inflammation which had originally been confined to the lower bowel has now spread considerably upwards, which explains the lack of results from the suppositories which had been working fairly well up until last month. They aren't sure how far it has spread beyond the knowledge that it's as far as they can see with the sigmoidoscopy.

(Sorry, hope that isn't "too much information"!)

The next known steps are to keep her on the drip for at least another two days, and then shift her over to oral steroids after that. She is also going to get a visit from the GI specialist at Western today, who will define the rest of the steps they want to take with her. This means she's going to be in hospital for at least until Wednesday, which obviously isn't great news, but on the other hand at least she's getting the care she needs to get well again.

-----

Tuesday 19th: So now she's home again, and after a fairly stable weekend, went back to feeling crummy again this morning. She got her prescription for -- no this isn't a typo -- 800 pills to take over the next few months! Oy. Between the scheduling, the dual menus, and the sheer stress of bing so unwell, it's exhausting for everyone. I must say the kids are being really good about it and we're coping okay. More news as it develops.

Luckily, not Campbell again, and not me either. But Carol has spent the past 7 days in the hospital as her colitis, which first flared up in the fall in a fairly minor way, suddenly went ballistic, prompting bleeding and huge weight loss, especially last week. She went to Emergency on Saturday and that was the beginning of the week of single Dad-ness, with hospital visits worked in where possible. My post not long ago of the morning routine at our house now seems comically simple. Around Wednesday I clued in that it really wasn't necessary to get Adele dressed for the ride to school with the boys -- especially as she needs the extra sleep -- so I'd put a coat on her and a blanket in the bike trailer and off we'd go, 2 boys, one girl and a dog all rolling down College St.

Oh, did I mention it was Adele's birthday on Wednesday (3!) and that I had two days of video shooting on set for work? I'm so tired I can't even write any m